The Gaga Saga - A Dragon Ball Z parody fanfic
by LookinGoodYamcha
Summary: The eccentric pop princess, Lady Gaga, is searching for someone with a connection with her legendary weapon, the Disco Stick. Thinking she found her target, a man named Nathan, she tracks him down and brings her mysterious, elite group to beat up him and his friends. Who will win? How is this DBZ-related? Why was it made in the first place? Rated T for swears and mild violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, let me preface this as much as I can because 1)this is my first ever fanfiction, and actually one of the more fun things I've written, 2)I'm honestly a bit afraid of criticism because of how strange of an idea this is, and 3)you might get REALLY confused if you don't read this first.**

**I've been a die-hard fan of the Dragon Ball series for over 14 years, and renewed my interest in it in late 2011. I've also been a huge fan of Lady Gaga since The Fame came out(and had a MASSIVE crush on her ever since). Normally, I would've never had the idea to combine the two. However, a buddy of mine came over some time during Spring and we decided to quite literally "smoke erryday". Oftentimes while high, I close my eyes and see all kinds of little storylines unfolding in my head, especially while listening to music. So, yes, I got this idea from blazin' it up for 5 consecutive days. Now, the story is finished and I'm currently working on artwork for it. I sincerely hope you enjoy this and don't take it *too* seriously. It is a parody, after all. Though most of the actual DBZ cast do not make an appearance, they do play small roles in the story. Oh, and I purposely designed this so that the story gets better with every chapter(you might think otherwise, which is fine), so it makes sense if you notice that. Again, this is my first ever fanfiction, so try not to be too harsh, yo.**

Dragon Ball Z – The Gaga Saga – a DBZ parody by LookinGoodYamcha

LookinGoodYamcha: Five years had passed since the defeat of the evil King Piccolo…though we sort of assumed by this point that no one watched Dragon Ball. Oh, well. For a time, the earth was finally at peace, until one fateful day, when a spherical spacecraft hurtled to the world's surface. Emerging from it was Raditz, brother of the kindhearted hero, Goku. After catching a bullet(or a laser, depending on what version you watched) and throwing it back at the local ganja farmer, he proceeded to find his brother, and managed to explain the backstory of their race, the vicious, war-like Saiyans, in a matter of minutes. Yay, exposition!

After revealing his identity, Raditz demanded that Goku join him in the total extermination of earth's life, a mission that Goku was originally sent to complete. I guess suffering blunt trauma to the head has its benefits. Refusing to bend to the evil Saiyan's will, Goku attacks Raditz to no avail, and sees that he is outmatched. Raditz then kidnaps Goku's son, Gohan, and flees, swearing that he will only return the boy if Goku piles at least 100 dead bodies for him. All righty then… Anyhow, realizing he stood no chance alone, he teams up with Piccolo Jr., son of the evil King himself, to form an alliance known as the Z-Fighters. Yup, he's a good guy now. The two take on the long-haired Saiyan, and after nearly suffering a defeat, the two managed to come out on top, sacrificing Goku in the process. Worth it…I guess…?

With his dying breath, Raditz claims that two more Saiyans, each much stronger than him, heard everything through his scouter and will arrive on Earth in one year. How convenient! Knowing the young half-sayian has a wealth of hidden potential after his display of power against Raditz, Piccolo abruptly takes Gohan into the wilderness so the two can train together. He was like, 5 years old at this point, but that's anime for ya. Meanwhile, Krillin gathers earth's special forces to warn them of the imminent threat. Who are they? There's Yamcha, the former desert bandit who often gets screwed by the show's writing. He's also apparently a ladies' man despite having a fear of women in the previous series. Then there's Tien Shinhan, another former enemy of Goku who inexplicably has three eyes. He's dating Launch, and gets a lot more respect than Yamcha despite being about equal in power and being just about as relevant. Next is his trusted friend Chiaotzu. He's actually an adult despite his childlike appearance. In addition to being a skilled fighter, he also possesses psychic abilities such as telekinesis. He's not a Pokemon. Finally, there's Yajirobe, the overweight samurai that lets his cowardice get in the way of actually doing much of importance. Yup, this is our A-Team.

Finally, a year had passed, and the day of reckoning had come, when the team would bravely challenge the Saiyan Army General Nappa, the Prince of Saiyans Vegeta, and their monstrous henchmen, the Saibamen. Most of them would die without barely making an impact, but it was brave of them nonetheless. Truly a conflict that will be forever remembered.

…but this story isn't about them. Our story today is about another group. A group of lifelong friends just as brave as the Z-Fighters, and their own conflict. One which would reshape the future itself, partially because it takes place kind of in the future. Or was it the past? Whatever, just roll with it. This story has something for everyone. What you're about to read will contain action, romance, and plenty of parody.

Chapter 1 – Time's Up!

LookinGoodYamcha, narrating: Look, I'll get this out of the way now. This parody mostly flows like the Saiyan saga, but has elements of Dragon Ball, the Cell Saga, and Scott Pilgrim of all things… Like I said, just roll with it. Dance-pop megastar Lady Gaga, quite powerful in her own right in this story, has arrived with a group of fighters with intent on taking over. However, this is merely a cover-up for her ulterior motive. As for her actual intentions, she came seeking a certain person after detecting their ki output. Knowing of her arrival, a group of four friends had been training tirelessly while they waited. One member of the group, Nathan, is hell-bent on proving himself to the monstrous singer and winning her heart. As earth's last line of defense, they stood in wait, and were eventually found by the eccentric star and her lackeys. The stage was set for a decisive battle. Could she have found this mysterious warrior, or was the reading a bit off? She probably did, but let's find out anyway.

In a craggy wasteland scattered with mountains and other rocky platforms, four men, each looking to be in their late teens or early twenties, stood in a staggered line; A short, mean-looking man with long, perfectly straight light brown hair and an aura of anger. He was called Lucca. Beside him was a mid-sized, serious looking black man with sizeable muscles all over. He chose to go by Zayver. Next was Michael, versed in several forms of armed and unarmed martial arts. He had a lax, sarcastic demeanor about him compared to the rest. Finally, there was Nathan, the de-facto leader of the group. At six-foot-six, he was the tallest member by far. His pale skin contrasted his long, wavy, ebony hair. He was looking excited and very serious at the same time, eager to fight.

Each fighter had history with the Z-Fighters, and as a result, learned many of their ki-based techniques.

Opposite them stood a slightly larger group; A very short man, looking to be of Middle-Eastern descent and shirtless, sporting rippling muscles. He was Charbel. Flanking him was a bald, tight-eyed, dark skinned man wearing sunglasses. He preferred the alias of Shady. Interestingly, the next man, looking more to be in his thirties, was rather portly and sported all black clothing and a fedora hat. He was known as Vu. Further in the back was a much stronger-looking man wearing a suit and sporting a full beard and a spiked haircut. Raw, raging power exuded from him. This was none other than Taylor, boyfriend of the pop star.

However, this power was miniscule compared to the star of the show. Heading this gang was Lady Gaga herself, exhibiting platinum-blonde hair styled straight with bangs, and bearing lustrous, bright blue armor. Holstered on her back was a large staff-looking weapon with a spiked, opulent crystal formation adorning the business end. Very faintly, a light-yellow aura visibly surrounded her body.

Taylor: Grr… Hurry your asses up! I'm getting sick of staring y'all down. And I don't like your faces! Let's get to the good part!

Lady Gaga: Shut up, dear. These three will be more than enough to handle those idiots. …You!

She looks out at her minions, picking Charbel at random.

Lady Gaga: You're up first! (Thinking: even the weakest of our fighters could at least even the odds a bit…)

Nathan: (Thinking: Wait, what! That's Bella's ex boyfriend! What's he doing here?! Doesn't matter, I-)

Michael stepped forward, assuming a battle-ready stance.

Michael: I'll go first. I'm not afraid of these creeps. It'll make a good warm-up.

Nathan: Hold on, Michael! Let me go. You've already been wished back once.

Michael: Right… Why didn't that ever get its own story?

Nathan: Maybe one day, it will… hint hint… Anyhow, let me have a crack at 'em. I need to prove myself to her through a dazzling display of power and-

Lady Gaga: Ugh, just get on with it, creep. Why would I want anything to do with you anyway? You could never match my power. I don't expect any less than someone just as real, as fabulous as me!

Nathan: Were those your song lyrics?

Lady Gaga: Those were indeed song lyrics. Now fight already!

Nathan: As you wish!

The long-haired warrior approached Charbel.

Nathan: You threatened me before and didn't make good on it. Gonna run away again? Come on, show me that you mean business!

Before the short fighter could come up with a response, Nathan dashed at him and the two suddenly seemed to fade into blurs.

Michael: Th-they vanished!

Zayver: Nonsense, they're just moving extremely fast. Don't try to focus on one point. Feel out their energy.

Michael: Right, I can see them now! Huh, ki sense is really convenient. How did I forget?

Nathan seemed to have the upper hand in the fight, effortlessly dodging Charbel's fast strikes and returning with his own. Charbel attempted to attack Nathan's legs, but the attack was blocked as the short, ripped fighter displayed a look of frustration. He grabbed Nathan by the arm and threw him into the air, but he came back down with a kick and watched as Charbel jumped backwards in a swift motion. Nathan showed a devious grin as if he'd gotten his enemy into just the right position. He jumped high in the air and cupped his hands behind his back, preparing a well-known technique.

Nathan: Kaaaa…meeee…haaa…me…HAAAAA!

As he recited the familiar phrase, a long, bright-blue wave of pure ki energy shot from his palms, hitting the dark-skinned fighter before he could get out of the way. Nathan landed on the ground, standing victorious over his charred foe.

Taylor: That's one already…

Nathan: Hah! Looks like we're in a different league altogether than your questionably-dressed goon squad.

Taylor: That cocky-!

Lady Gaga: Easy, babe…

Nathan: Why don't I just take on the rest of y'all myself?

Lucca: Nathan! Are you nuts?!

Lady Gaga: Now that, I'd like to see. Too bad I won't get the chance.

Nathan: Oh, yeah?!

Charbel's smoldering body began to twitch.

Lucca: Watch out! That one's getting up!

Charbel sprang up, his body glowing with ki energy, and he jumped towards Nathan. Reacting quickly. He elbowed the short fighter, sending him flying backwards towards the rest of his foes.

Nathan: Hah, you thought I'd fall for that one? One of those Z-fighters I trained with warned me about that move. He said a lot of people on the internet make fun of him for being killed by it. I'll be damned if I'll suffer the fate of online ridicule!

Charbel's body was still glowing, and became even brighter.

Lady Gaga: I don't believe it, he was supposed to… Everyone, get clear!

The remaining four on her side jumped out of the way, narrowly avoiding a massive explosion that left a crater the size of Texas. Well, not that big. That's just asinine.

Zayver: Incredible, a kamikaze. There would've been no way to defend… He must've been really desperate to win.

Nathan: You said it. Now, where were we? Right, I was going to take on the rest myself? Hahaha! This is like extra training!

Taylor: Grrrrrr…. You won't be laughing long… Shady! You're up! Make it slow and painful!

The bald, mysterious fighter slinked forward. He exhibited a very creepy gait about him.

Shady: Ha… He was nothing compared to me. I'll wrap you in a sheet…

Nathan: (Thinking: Huh? Nichole's ex-boyfriend? This doesn't make any sense…) Hah, just try it! Are you gonna hit me as hard as you did your girl?

Nathan wildly charged the shadowy warrior and landed a punch. Shady doubled over in pain, but managed to shrug it off.

Shady: Time to mix things up a bit. You can't fight what you can't see… Damn, that sounded so cliché! Whatever…

Before even finishing his sentence, he faded into blackness, then to nothing, effectively cloaking himself. Nathan sprayed ki blasts in several directions trying to land a lucky hit, to no avail.

Shady: SUR-PRISE!

The invisible warrior struck Nathan in his legs, causing him to trip. He quickly regained his footing and went on the defensive.

Michael: Dude, don't rely on your eyes. Feel out his energy. He's not masking his power level at all!

Heeding his comrade's advice, Nathan closed his eyes and began to sense the ghostly fighter's ki. He also heard some really obvious footsteps that kind of defeated the purpose of that ability. With his target locked, he prepared another move he'd been perfecting, crouching down and putting his hands into an open palmed position. A canine aura shrouded the black-haired fighter.

Nathan: Wolf…Fang…FIIIIST!

As he cried out, he loosed a flurry of open-palmed strikes and kicks, punctuating it with a double-armed strike and yelling, "h0000!" It sounded a bit like Michael Jackson or something. Shady's cloak faded, rendering him visible. He was still standing, but severely dazed.

Nathan: Aww, man! He's not even on the ground yet! I guess I'm gonna have to turn things up!

He ran towards the dazed man at a blinding speed, then jumped into the air, the wolven aura once again shrouded him, but this time a howl was clearly audible. He struck his foe once, landed behind him, and heard the resounding thud as he fell, though still breathing. Nathan cracked a smile, and a bright twinkle reflected from one of his teeth.

The glamorously gaudy singer could do nothing but watch in disbelief. She angrily clenched both fists.

Lady Gaga: (Thinking: There's more to him than I thought. Could he be…? No…)

Shady writhed in agony and struggled to breathe.

Lady Gaga: Taylor, you dumbass… Looks like you recruited a weak team. You said these were supposed to be elite! Psh…

Taylor: No! No way! These are the ones that survived that crazy gang war in Compton! They all have the same fighting power as…

Lady Gaga: …As who, Taylor…?

Taylor's look of disbelief turned to one of disappointing realization.

Taylor: …As Raditz…

Lady Gaga: Now do you see my point?

Taylor: I think so, I guess.

Lady Gaga: Hahahahaha… Do you, now? Don't strain that head of yours. Leave the thinking to me…

Michael: He's still alive, though. That's something…

Shady began slowly pushing himself up, but before he could even finish the motion, Lady Gaga raised her hand high and loosed a massive ki blast at the fallen warrior, leaving little trace of his body, as well as making an even larger crater. This was the first true taste of her might.

Everyone left on the battlefield stared on in complete shock, wordless.

Taylor: But…why…?

Lady Gaga: He wasn't of any use to us anymore.

Taylor: But…he was…alive.

Lady Gaga: Hmph.

Taylor: I…I don't understand…

Lady Gaga: It would've been pointless to let him continue, Taylor. Besides, he wasn't very plot important. We have to kill some of them off, after all.

Lucca: Geez! Talk about being screwed by the writers…

Zayver: No mercy. Even for her allies or the fourth wall. She's not taking any prisoners. We're fighting for our lives.

Nathan: Are you quite finished with the foreplay over there?

The remaining three foes looked toward the lanky warrior.

Nathan: Look, it's obvious I'm much stronger than you originally perceived. This is just a waste of time. Ay, Gaga! Why don't you just fry those other two losers and let me take you home? I've got such a badass dream date planned for us! We could-

Before Nathan could finish, the eccentric singer who is also apparently a fighter blasted the ground near his feet, causing him to jump backwards.

Lady Gaga: Just stop talking out of your ass, dear. Yes, you're a bit tastier than I imagined, but you're only winning by luck.

Nathan: Haha, lucky enough to be in your presence, that's saying something! Come on! You know you want this!

Lady Gaga: Right, we'll see. Vu!

She pointed to the larger man with the dark clothing.

Lady Gaga: Thrash this romantic wannabe. And give it 100 percent, unlike those other no-counts…

Nathan: (Thinking: Uhh?! Lydia's ex?! That's it, something's definitely up here!) All right. That's the way to do it. Just line 'em up for me, girl.

The portly warrior lumbered towards Nathan. He could feel a significant increase in his power compared to the last two.

Vu: There will be no gimmicks this time. No, not like the others. I don't need them to wipe the floor with your sorry ass.

Nathan: Your taunts are as empty as your soul. Mankind ill needs a savior such as you.

Vu: Were you quoting CastlevaniAAAAAAAA!

He yelled the last syllable as Nathan's elbow knocked him for a loop. He regained composure and quickly came back with a mighty knee, bringing Nathan on his back. He seemed to be struggling to recover. Vu began walking back to the group, as it appeared his job was done.

Vu: Is that all? Guess we're finished here, I-

Nathan: Good thing you aim…as bad as you fight… you missed my vital organs…

Nathan effortlessly sprung up and delivered a blinding flurry of anger-infused punches and kicks, effectively turning the tables as Vu was now the one on the ground.

Nathan: What a dumbass! Hahaha! I can't believe you fell for that. You're telling me all I had to do was feign defeat and you'd turn your back? Too easy! I can't believe Lydia _liked _you at one point!

Vu: How dare you, you're nothing!

The black-clad fighter charged Nathan head on.

Nathan: Uh-uh-uh… This one's for me! You know, I have to congratulate you for actually doing some damage to me. You're the first of those goons to do even that! But I think it's over. How about that technique I've been saving?!

Nathan held one hand in front of his face and grasped his wrist with the other. He let out a yell. You know, the one that's in every DBZ fight ever? Either way, a glowing sphere of energy hovered above his hand.

Nathan: SPIRIT BALL!

He loosed the attack, which initially missed his target, who was still charging toward him. He shaped his hand to have two fingers pointing out, and pulled forward with them. The Spirit Ball followed suit and came straight back, connecting with Vu this time. Nathan continued to guide it back and forth, repeatedly bitch slapping his large foe. With one last stroke of his hand, the ball came toward Vu one final time before exploding, vaporizing him completely.

Nathan: And he's down for the count! Yeah!

Nathan's friends congratulated his victory. He cracked his neck and crossed his arms in triumph.

Nathan: So, my Lady… how about now? Can we just agree that I'm the best for you? This isn't really worth pulverizing your _ex _boyfriend over there, is it?

Taylor: Ex?! Why you! You ain't seen shit, yet, pal! And now, you've really got me pissed. I'm stepping in myself. I'll straight up end you AND your buddies over there!

Enraged, the well-dressed man stomped toward his opposing group. He screamed as he began to power up and charge his first attack.

Zayver: Watch it, guys! He's charging his first attack!

Lucca: No shit. The narration just said that.

Zayver: The what now?

LookinGoodYamcha: Three of Gaga's four best men have fallen at the feet of the determined and starstruck Nathan. But really, did you ever doubt it? Now, Taylor steps into the fray, and it's clear that he means business! Can the four stand up to his overwhelming might? Will the other three actually get to fight this time? Probably. Next time, the Gaga Saga rages on! Zayver, Michael, and Lucca test their true endurance!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – The Power of Taylor!

LookinGoodYamcha: Recap? But you just got done reading the last part! Just go back to the first page if you want a recap. I'm getting straight into the action! Ooh, double entendres.

Taylor stood in the attacking stance, both fists clenched and raised high. He was clearly infuriated and might need to check his blood pressure because there were a lot of veins visibly popping out on his body. Suddenly, his eyes shifted focus to Lucca. The long-haired fighter stared back at his angry opponent, bearing his teeth and showing a look of fearlessness.

Taylor: I think I'll pick YOU first! GRRRRAAAAHHHH!

He let out a battle cry as he dashed at Lucca, who smiled defiantly

Lucca: Ohhhh… This should be fun…!

He raised both hands, remaining otherwise perfectly still, tightening his focus and ki. Taylor kept full speed ahead, but the reckless tackle was effortlessly blocked.

Lucca: Disappointing. But now you've made me mad!

Lucca phased out of sight, confusing Taylor, then phased back behind him, catching him off guard. Lucca then unleashed a blindingly fast flurry of punches, kicks, and ki blasts, all with a speed that would make Burter turn from blue to green with biting envy. Taylor could do nothing to react as he was beat senselessly.

Nathan: Incredible! He always was faster than me… His button mashing skillz were legendary back in the day!

Taylor: Arghh! Why you…! I didn't expect to have to use this!

In a millisecond between attacks, Taylor phased into an ethereal mist-like form. He couldn't hold this forever because that would be really OP, but he could momentarily use it to dodge. He moved back away, then came back at Lucca swinging. This time, they were both blocking one another's attacks with easy.

Lucca: Fuck! Looks like we're evenly matched! Guess I'll have to be a bit cheap. Too bad I can't spam like Dr. Gero… Zayver!

He called out towards his dark-skinned ally, who quickly piped up.

Zayver: What is it, bro? You doing okay up there?

Lucca: Listen, I'm gonna end this annoying fucker here and now! I'll just need you to distract him for a bit.

Zayver: How much is "a bit", bro?

Lucca: 5 minutes.

Zayver: Aww hell, that ain't nothin'. I'll be sure to put all my power- Nigga whatchu say?!

Lucca: Charging my attack!

With a sigh, Zayver rushed headlong at Taylor, tackling his body with the full force of his own, sending him backwards.

Zayver: Time to see if all that time I spent weight lifting while high paid off! Hehehe.

Bearing a grin, Zayver chased his weakened foe, still hurdling through the air. He followed up the attack by chaining several kicks together. Taylor fell to his knees, struggling to support himself.

Zayver: Y'know, I'm more of a dancer than a fighter, but this is just my style! Kinda like krumpin'!

Michael: How?!

Zayver: I dunno. I just felt like sayin' that.

Zayver looked over towards Lucca, who was still focusing his ki, two fingertips positioned on his forehead. It was clear that his trusted ally still needed more time.

Zayver: Damn! Guess it's time to kick it up! This next one might seriously damage my body, but if it hurts this fool, it'll be worth it! Now! KAIOKEN!

Pure ki energy reverberated through the air as Zayver's whole body became shrouded in a blood-red aura.

Nathan: That power… He's fortunate, even I haven't mastered that technique… Taylor never stood a chance…

He bore a menacing grin and jumped towards Taylor. He proceeded to lay into his well-dressed foe with punches so heard that the cracking of bone was clearly audible. He picked Taylor high over his head and flew into the air, and dropped him onto the ground. Zayver landed and caught his breath as the crimson aura left him.

Zayver: That's it. Any longer and I would have destroyed my body…

He motioned over to Lucca.

Zayver: Bro, tell me that attack is done.

Lucca: Coming right up! Hehehe.

He began casually striding towards Taylor, his fingertips glowing, and his body surrounded by sparks. Taylor, though damaged, was already back on his feet and once again full of unbridled rage.

Lucca: Y'know, right now, thinks ain't lookin' so good for you. Right now, you seem so weak, and, well… let's face it, I'm just so badass. I'm not even gonna charge over there. No, I think I'll just walk. Fuck flying!

He continued his leisurely stroll until he was within range, and extended his arm, positioning his fingertips straight forward. As he readied his attack, he flashed an absolutely demonic-looking grin.

Lucca: This is it! SUCK IT, TAYLOR! SUCK IT LONG AND HARD!

As he screamed his humorous battle cry, a long, spiraling beam of ki energy shot from his fingertips at the speed of light itself, which is odd considering how slow it looks. It connected cleanly with Taylor's chest, leaving a smoldering hole and an even bigger exit wound. The bearded fighter collapsed to the ground, though still breathing and clinging to life.

Lucca blew onto his fingertips as if they were a smoking gun.

Lucca: …and by the way, yes, I _have _seen porn of that.

Lady Gaga: Ooh, myy. You've tickled my interests. Where is it?

Lucca: I'm not telling you! Get your own pr0nz!

The rest of the gang cheered triumphantly.

Nathan: Hah! I told ya I wouldn't hog all the glory!

He fist-bumped his victorious ally.

Lucca: Hell yeah! When we're done, can I drill your new pop star girlfriend a new one?

Nathan gave him a discerning look.

LookinGoodYamcha: With the combined efforts of the powerful warriors Lucca and Zayver, the mighty Taylor Kinney seemed to be defeated for good. All that remained was the pop princess queen herself. Wait, how the hell can you be a queen and a princess at the same time? No, I'm serious. Go look this up. Lady Gaga calls herself "Princess High the Cannabis Queen". Anyways, next time, on Dragon Ball Z! The Final Confrontation?! Maybe…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – What a Way to Go Out!

LookinGoodYamcha: Y'all don't even need my narration by this point. See ya at the end of the chapter!

As the gang celebrated and Lady Gaga looked onward nonchalantly, Taylor, smoke still rising from his body, began to miraculously push himself back up. The four heroes simultaneously gasped.

Nathan: Ahh! W-what?!

Zayver: Dammit, this fool doesn't know when to quit!

Lucca: I put everything I had into that move! I call hax!

Taylor: Grr…. That one really hurt me, kid! I can't even feel my chest!

Michael: Reminds me of that stuff my roommate told me not to smoke.

Taylor: Either way, I'm feeling generous! How 'bout I pay you guys back DOUBLE?

Nathan: I think I speak for all of us when I say we've had enough of you. You're beat so far down south, you might as well be in Mexico.

Lucca: Ahh…Mexico…Yup.

Taylor: Shut up, shut up! You haven't even fought me yet! Just 'cause you beat those other lackeys of mine doesn't mean you can even touch me!

Nathan: Keep talking! How about a little demonstration? I'll start by shrugging off whatever damage you and the others caused me! You want it? It's yours, my friend!

With these words, Nathan began the obligatory DBZ powering-up sequence of clenching his fists and screaming. Wind kicked up around him and a few rocks began to hover around, surrounded by the energy he exuded.

Lady Gaga: My goodness, it's simply dazzling… his power's reaching seven-thousand… No, eight thousand!

A look of awe began to emerge on her face as the quaking and wind subsided. Taylor looked towards her in confusion.

Taylor: Gaga! What's going on?! What's your reading on his power level?!

Hesitant, the flamboyant singer took off her crystal shades, displaying a look of fury.

Lady Gaga: It's over nine-thousaaaaaaand! Inconceivable!

In disbelief and rage, she crushed her crystal glasses to dust in her hand.

Lucca: (unenthused) Woo-hoo.

Lady Gaga: You…have no idea how immense of a power that is, do you? Do you even know about power levels?

Lucca: Yeah, I just…don't give a shit. Seriously, when in this show are power levels accurate. How reliable are they in the first place?

Taylor: Wait! Nine-thousand! There's… no way that could be right? Could it?! How?

Nathan: Actually, I think my lovely Lady is right. Hmmhmmhmm. You see, I normally couldn't bring myself to hurt her, but I'll defeat even her in battle if it proves how sex-ay I am to her. And I'll have to be at full power to pull something like that off. I already know I wouldn't stand a chance in hell otherwise. Don't worry, though. I'll give her one of these senzu beans after I win.

Taylor: I've had enough of your cocky ass! And I don't care! I'll crush you no matter what you think!

Lucca: (to himself)Damn, I really wanted to end him. But that last one really took it out of me. And Zayver isn't looking so great either.

Michael stepped forward and cracked his knuckles.

Michael: Seems like you're giving my friends some trouble here. How about you give me a try. I haven't got to see if all my training was worth it, yet. Hear that, Nathan? You chill for a bit longer. You're gonna need all your strength for that crazy bitch over there!

Nathan: Hey! Don't call her that!

Taylor suddenly charged at Michael and began wildly throwing punches, but it was clear that fatigue was taking its toll on the spiky-haired warrior. Michael effortlessly dodged each successive blow. Taylor became increasingly frustrated.

Michael: You really should've just admitted defeat. I can feel your power steadily decreasing with each punch. Maybe you didn't drink plenty of juice? Hahaha. Let me demonstrate a lesson or two.

He strode casually towards his foe and grabbed his hand, and began crushing it with his own until the crack of bone was audible. Taylor screamed in agony, but knocked Michael's legs so he could get loose. The enraged fighter ripped a huge boulder from the ground and hurled it at Michael, who easily evaded it and smiled.

Taylor: Ahh! I hate you!

Michael: Nah, you just hate losing, bro. You're not used to fighting someone stronger than you.

He approached his fatigued foe and delivered one elbow straight to his wound from the special beam cannon. Again, he grinned deviously.

Michael: Power of Understanding!

As he announced this skyward, a glowing blade of energy extended from his hand. He began to beat his fallen foe senselessly with it.

Nathan called over to his friend, who seemed to be enjoying himself substantially.

Nathan: Yo, pass him to me! Let me get the last hit so I can prove myself for realz!

Michael acknowledged this and passed his defeated foe to his long-time friend. Nathan prepared an attack as his fist began to glow white-hot as Taylor flew helplessly through the air.

Nathan: Spirit punch!

The attack connected perfectly on his back. He careened through the air and landed near his only remaining ally.

Michael: Dayum! I don't think he's getting up.

Lucca: Nathan, how'd you do that attack? Spirit Punch?

Nathan: Oh, it was another move Yamcha taught me. He used it to defeat one of those goofy Power Ranger wannabes.

Lucca: Wait… HE ACTUALLY WON FOR ONCE?!

Nathan: I was just as surprised, brah.

Lady Gaga walked towards the fallen warrior, who was somehow still clinging to life by his fingernails. She looked down at him with contempt.

Nathan: He's through. Get him some kind of help so we can settle this one-on-one.

Lady Gaga: Hmm.

Taylor looked up, only able to open one eye, and spit out a few drops of blood.

Taylor: Baby…give me…your hand… I can't…get up… can't even move.

Lady Gaga: Hahaha, sure! It's the least I can do for my man… RRRRAAAHHHH!

She appeared to help him up, but with a scream, hurled the defeated warrior high into the air.

Lady Gaga: Maybe you won't be such a disappointment when you're dating someone else… in hell!

The powerful pop princess fired a blood-red beam of ki towards Taylor, effectively killing him for real this time. She laughed sadistically.

Lady Gaga: Buh-bye. Ahahaha…

Everyone else could do nothing but look on with their jaws dropped. She gave everyone a menacing stare and smiled.

Lady Gaga: I just killed my boyfriend.

Nathan: We…know…

Lady Gaga: Humor me here, I'm trying to quote one of my music videos…

Lucca: I can't…believe it…

Lady Gaga: Hmph. The way I see it, someone who can no longer fight is of no use. Now… let's get to the finale already!

She gave Nathan an evil stare, and he blushed in response. The two approached each other.

Lady Gaga: So it begins. This should be deliciously interesting. You're much more than I perceived, dear…

_She drew her weapon, the legendary Disco Stick, from her back._

LookinGoodYamcha: What, did you think this was gonna be the last chapter? Ha-ha, trolled! Tune in for the true ultimate battle between a crazy pop star and her equally crazy fan! Next time, on Dragon Ball Z! Non-Sequitur N vs. Lady Gaga! Yeah, that's his rap name or something if you didn't know. Hehe.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – The Final Battle! Eruption of Power!(I've Repainted my Walls!)

LookinGoodYamcha: Last time, some stuff happened that you probably just read! Now, Mother Monster herself faces off with her starstruck suitor! Yay for alliteration!

Nathan: Wait! Let's take this somewhere else. We don't want any more casualties; this is between us, my dear. Besides, haven't we already made a mess of the place?

The camera pans around, showing the corpses of Gaga's crew(in some cases, what's left of them), now decimated and beginning to rot.

Lady Gaga: Mmm. So we have. Right. Up there seems like prime real estate, eh?

She points to several rocky plateaus and small mountains a few kilometers away.

Lady Gaga: And… don't call me that! You've no place acting like I'm yours.

Nathan. Not yet, anyways.

Lucca: Would you two just get to the fight? Seriously, I thought this fic was gonna end in part 3! Quit trolling!

The two warriors flew at blazing speeds to their chosen battleground. Lucca, Zayver, and Michael followed close behind to watch, but stayed at a safe distance. Nathan and Gaga each landed on rocky outcrops adjacent to each other, assumed a fighting pose, and stared each other down for what seemed like an eternity. This was pretty common in DBZ, after all. They just love to draw things out.

Lady Gaga: (Laughs, smirks) You know, Nathan, as I'm such a nice girl, I'm willing to show you some mercy. Why not just walk away and forget about all this? Face the facts, you know you don't stand a chance.

Nathan: Hm? Quit now, after I've come this far? Now, wouldn't that be anticlimactic? Look, I know you're powerful. I can sense that a mile away, even without one of those scouters. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still going to prove myself and beat you. …I love you, Stefani.

Rocks began to crumble away from the natural platforms.

Lady Gaga: Grrrrrr…! Don't call me that! And don't waste your kind words on me just yet. I gave you a chance, but you've sealed your fate now.

More rocks began to crumble away. Waiting no longer, Nathan was the first to strike, but Gaga stopped him with her hands. The two soared into the air and began lashing out at each other. At first, they seemed at equals. Each flurry of punches dodged with ease. Frustrating looks washed over their faces as each mighty kick was effortlessly blocked. They both stopped for a moment and landed.

Nathan: Look, I know you're holding back. You can't fool me that easily. All that buildup wasn't for nothing.

Lady Gaga: You really are my biggest fan; you have me all figured out. Very well, now DANCE, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

They resumed their fighting, now trading much harder blows, but Gaga finally landed one blow to her would be suitor, who quickly recovered. She dove toward him, taking advantage of the opening and fired several ki blasts, but they were blocked. She then rushed in and laid into him with several punches. He managed to dodge most of them, but finally, one connected straight in his gut, causing him to double over in pain, barely able to sustain flight. She then appeared behind him in a flash, and spiked him with both fists, sending him into a nosedive downwards, but he managed to recover and land on another rock platform and catch his breath. Gaga sighed and looked at her hands to nonchalantly assess any minor damage.

Lady Gaga: Hmm. Nathaaan… What's wrong, I was hoping for a far more interesting fight!

Nathan: What can I say, you're good! Then again, what else could I expect from you besides perfection? Don't worry, though. You'll get one, I promise! You see, when I trained with Yamcha, he taught me something important.

Nathan raised his right palm and put it in a claw-like position.

Nathan: See, I've defeated opponents of many different varieties. It doesn't matter if you love Him, or capital H-I-M. It has no outcome on the bearing of this fight. I know your type. You like to stand out. Uniqueness and originality is your game. You want to make a lasting impression; it's why you wear all those outlandish ensembles. I love it, though! You put on quite a show. Either way, the fact is, the most brutal weapons are the ones we _can't _see; those forged from within. Fortunately, I have quite an arsenal to pull from. Please, allow me to show you a demonstration.

He once again gripped his wrist and yelled as he gathered ki for the Spirit Ball technique. It glowed and hummed over his hand just as before.

Nathan: Prepare yourself. I'm not sure there are words to describe the damage one can do with raw spirit energy!

He loosed his attack, controlling it with two fingers again. Gaga tried to jump out of the way, but the attack connected, and he began striking her with the spirit ball. She initially appeared to be having difficulty putting up any defense against the assault.

Lady Gaga: All right, that's enough of that!

In an instant, she effortlessly swatted the glowing orb away into one of the mountainsides, where it exploded, leveling half of the mountain itself. Nathan froze in disbelief.

Lady Gaga: Hahaha. That Spirit Ball attack is very impressive, love. But I've seen something just like it before.

Nathan flinched, looking stupefied.

Lady Gaga: If that's all you've got, then you'd better quit!

Nathan:(To himself) …Funny. As grim as things look right now, I actually kinda like the challenge she's giving me. Wonder if she's the same way in bed?

Lady Gaga:(Thinking to herself) Look at him, smiling like that. There's definitely something to him, but if he really thinks he has a chance with me, I'm going to have to push him to find out what that something is…

She gave Nathan a cold stare.

Lady Gaga: That's it? That was honestly your best? I've got some bad news. You may be stronger than most of the other plot-important characters, but even at your peak, you're nothing compared to my power.

Nathan: Wanna bet?

Lady Gaga: Perhaps. A little gamble _is _fun when you're with me. Behold! The true power of The Fame!

The bright aura surrounding her body became much more bold and visible as she charged Nathan at full force. He braced himself as once again the two began exchanging blows. Nathan seemed to have a better understanding of her fighting style at this point, and managed to get some square hits in between attacks. They dashed back and forth through the air, struggling to keep up with one another. Gaga kicked Nathan with both legs, but he used his hands to recover and rocket right back into the brawl.

Nathan:(To himself) No good! Gotta find an opening!

He flipped over her backwards and kicked her twice, sending her flying into a mountainside, creating a hole. She screamed with rage, and her power caused the entire structure around her to break. They both recovered, but stopped fighting for a few seconds to recuperate. They both put their hands on their injuries and caught their breath.

Nathan:(To himself) Wow, what a fine lady. She just won't quit! She must be a freak in the sheets! In that case, I won't either!

Lady Gaga:(To herself, enraged) Just who is this man?! This can't be right; he's beneath me! Now he's sealed his fate; this whole place and all his little friends are history! I'll destroy everything if I have to! Do you hear me, Nathan?! You're finished!

Nathan:(Thinking) Well, this isn't good… Still haven't quite recovered from her last attack. I can't quit yet!

Lady Gaga: NATHAN! It's time to turn things up even more! I know better than anyone that the fans aren't satisfied until it goes to eleven! No holding back! If you can even stand up to this next attack, then you have at least some of my respect! But know that if you don't, you'll be reduced to ashes!

She levitated high into the air, not breaking her pose, and readied her Disco Stick. It extended in length until it was longer than her whole body. Using it to further channel her power, she screamed as the aura around her was now blindingly bright and sparking. She put both hands together.

Lady Gaga: Either way, it's now or never for you!

Her voice boomed and echoed as she said this and prepared her attack.

Nathan: Shit! Better think of something quick! There's still one plot device I've yet to try! Let's see how she likes this one!

He readied his hands in the Spirit Ball position, but he stuck them outwards this time.

Nathan: SUPER…SPIRIT BALL ATTACK!

After another overly long charge-up sequence(seriously, this wasn't that far in the series and it was already starting to get old), an orb of energy manifested itself above him, but this time, it was several times larger than his own body.

Lady Gaga: I didn't expect to have to use this! Now, Nathan! It's time! Let's play a…. LOVEGAME!

As she called the attack, a colossal, sparkling pink beam of ki shot from her hands, downward towards her opponent. He fired the Super Spirit Ball upwards in response, and the two mighty masses of ki collided in a struggle of power. As hard as either side pushed, both were evenly matched and would not budge the other an inch.

Lady Gaga: It can't be! That Spirit Ball is as strong as my LoveGame! I've got to push harder! Ooh, kinky…

Gaga's attack began to push the Spirit Ball right back at Nathan. He struggled to hold it up.

Nathan: Damn! Can't hold it off like this! I've gotta take it a step further! I can only think of one other thing…

He flashed back to an earlier time, to his training with Yamcha and Tien Shinhan. He was fighting them in a 1-on-2 sparring match…

(Obligatory flashback)

Tien: Tri-beeeeeammmm…HAAAA!

Yamcha: Kaaaa…meeee…haaaaaaa….meeee… HAAAA!

Nathan tried to block both attacks, fighting through the severe pain he was enduring.

Yamcha: You can't quit now! This is nothing compared to those Saiyans! Remember what we showed you.

Tien: Yeah! It's a last ditch effort maneuver, but sometimes it's worth it. You _can _use twice the power, but only if you think you can handle it! Well?! Can you push your body to its absolute limits?!

(end flashback)

Nathan: They were right… Okay! Let's do this! I hope my body can take it!

As he said this questionably-sounding line, he readied himself.

Nathan: Times two!

A second Super Spirit Ball, equal in size to the first, formed next to the first one. With double the power, he was able to push back Gaga's powerful beam. She tried to hold them back, harnessing the power of her Disco Stick, but it was under too much stress, and some of the crystals on the end shattered as it flew out of her grasp and stuck into the ground below. As both warriors screamed in defiance, Nathan's attack stifled Gaga's, as both spirit balls exploded upon contact with her body, leaving nothing but smoke, and a bloodied, defeated pop star gasping for air, and barely maintaining flight. It seemed as though victory had been secured at last. Having used most of his strength for that attack, Nathan collapsed to his knees, before completely falling on his back. He laughed to himself.

Nathan: I-… I guess that's it, then.

His friends rushed towards him to congratulate him.

Zayver: Dude, that was dope!

Michael: Can we please go home now? I'm famished!

Lucca: Well I'll be damned. You actually didn't fuck up.

Nathan: Th-thanks, bros… I…

Suddenly his happy expression turned to one of pure terror.

Zayver: What is it, man?! Talk to us!

Nathan:(Thinking) No… This can't be happening… I… I still sense a power reading, and it's huge…

_As the smoke cleared, a figure could still be seen, and a soft, almost seductive laugh could be heard._

LookinGoodYamcha: What, you thought I'd just end it like that? Oh, all right. I promise that the next chapter will be the last! It seems that the Lady still stands after all. But how? There's definitely a reasonable explanation, but to find out what that is, you'll have to tune in for the next sexy installment of Dragon Ball Z!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Disco Stick of Destiny! The Thrilling Conclusion!

LookinGoodYamcha: And there you have it! Looks like things aren't over after all, but you probably already knew this. Seriously, who's not gonna read this in one or two sittings? Which warrior will tire out first? How many more times can the fourth wall be shattered before it develops a consciousness and decides it's had enough? Find out this time, on Dragon Ball Z!

The sky, now a dark shade of ebony because the fight had began to drag on into the night(Haha, "drag on"… Is that why they call it Dragon Ball Z? Because it…drags…on…? Alright, that wasn't all that funny, I admit), was still filled with smoke. It was tough to make out what was going on, but it was clear that the epic struggle wasn't quite over with. Lucca looked at Nathan, who had gotten back on his feet, though still catching his breath.

Lucca: So… It's not over with…?

LookinGoodYamcha: I just said that.

Lucca gave a disapproving look, seemingly into thin air.

Nathan: Well, at this particular moment, things are looking pretty good. I don't think she enjoyed herself too much.

Lucca: I asked yes or no? Do you think you won?

Nathan: Not quite. That didn't stop her; just slowed her down. Much like people who threaten to delete their Facebook accounts, she'll probably be coming back soon.

Lucca: Can you handle yourself here, man?

Nathan: Yeah, I think you'd better stay back with the others. I might need some backup if things go south. You used up a good deal of your energy with that special beam cannon, anyhow.

Lucca: Whatever. Just finish this already…

Lucca joined the rest of the team a bit further away from the heart of the battle. Nathan focused his attention on his heart's desire and waited for the last of the smoke to clear. As it did, Gaga began to change. What, you wanted a DBZ story without a transformation? LOL! Anyhow, the last of her blue armor began to crumble away, revealing a lustrous, very dark-gray metal dress, sort of tulip-shaped around the waist, accentuating her curves. Her hair was about half its initial length, and a bit brighter blonde. Her aura shone many distinctive hues at this point, her power having increased at least tenfold. Very few of her injuries remained visible. She was smirking deviously at Nathan.

Lady Gaga: I have to give you props for making it this far, dear. I told you that if you survived my attack, you'd earn at least some of my respect, but unfortunately, this is where it ends. It's downright aggravating that your power was superior to mine, but that's changed completely.

Nathan: I can tell… I knew it wouldn't be that easy. It'd be anticlimactic…

Lady Gaga: No individual has ever forced me to use this form. It's supposed to be used for leveling entire planets and doing really sweet live concerts. Consider yourself lucky. It's probably the last thing you'll ever see.

Nathan:(To himself) She might be right, but I've got to try something. I still have a bit of energy left in me, so I'll put it all into this!

Nathan rocketed towards her as fast as his body would allow, one fist outstretched. Gaga did nothing to counter the attack, and it connected perfectly with the middle of her chest.

Nothing. Nothing more than a resounding thud. She didn't budge an inch from where she levitated. Her armor wasn't even scratched. Nathan gave her a look of disbelief, as she gave a devilish smile back. With only two fingers, she sent him crashing into the ground below, leaving a small crater.

Lady Gaga: Do you see now what you've gotten yourself into? I gave you a chance, but you were just so doggedly insistent. I admire that in a man, but I guess it's the end for this great warrior. Better you than Krillin, I suppose.

She began to brutally lay into her near-helpless suitor without mercy. He was able to roll out of the way of some of the attacks, but each strike felt like it shattered a bone. He couldn't keep this up and was desperately trying to think of something; some way out of this. Dodging another attack, he glanced over to Gaga's weapon, the Disco Stick, still speared into the rocky ground. Gaga let up on her relentless assault suddenly.

Lady Gaga: Since you won't be here much longer, I guess I owe you a bit of explanation.

Nathan: Cool, like in BioShock?

Lady Gaga: Not quite. You see, I came here in search of someone because I knew that there was another who knew how to use the Disco Stick to its full effect. It simply took me longer than it should've to realize that someone was you.

Lucca: Yay, more exposition!

Nathan: I knew you were smart. Then again, it comes with perfection. Haha. Yeah, I managed to get my hands on it several years ago at a concert. I didn't hold onto it for long so as not to raise suspicion, but I did get a feel for how it worked. It's not your traditional staff, that's for sure. I anticipated your arrival. That's why my friends and I trained for as long as we did. But you already knew that, I surmise.

Lady Gaga: This is suddenly starting to make a lot more sense for both of us. It will make your death that much more satisfying.

She tried to step on her fallen foe, but he rolled just out of the way.

Nathan: Not so fast. If I'm right, that thing isn't completely destroyed yet. That wouldn't be possible, not even for me.

He looked over to the weapon once again. The tip still gave off a faint glow.

Lady Gaga: Doesn't take a genius to figure that out. But you won't be going anywhere.

She stomped once again, this time making sure not to miss. She dug the pointed high-heel of her metal shoe directly into Nathan's chest, and began to sadistically twist it. Nathan writhed in absolute agony.

Not knowing what else to do, he began to communicate with Michael telepathically. Yeah, remember in the show when they could randomly do that with no explanation?

Nathan:(To Michael, telepathically) Listen.. One of you has to go out there and grab that weapon… If you can get it to me fast enough, I might just have a last-resort plan…

Michael:(telepathically) Are you high? She'll see one of us for sure, and even if she doesn't, how are you going to get back up?!

Nathan:(telepathically) Well, do you have any better ideas?!

Michael:(telepathically) Can you get her in a full nelson?

Nathan:(telepathically) Any ideas that don't involve me dying?

Michael: Right, let's go get that Stick.

All in an instant, Michael dashed towards the battlefield and tore the heavy, crystalline rod out of the earth. Gaga looked over to him, but before she could react, Nathan used whatever was left of his reserve energy to blind her with a ki blast and loosen her hold on him in a single move. Wasting no time, Michael hurled the Stick to Nathan, who, after a bit of fumbling, caught it.

Nathan: Well, this is the last plot device… Here goes nothin'…

He gripped the weapon firmly with both hands, but before he could act any further, it began to control itself in his grip, and a sparking light coiled around his arm. He tried in vain to fight for control of it with his suddenly-returning strength.

Before anyone could say a word, and just as Gaga regained her vision, the Disco Stick turned on its new wielder, and stabbed itself into his body. Everyone was equally surprised. Nathan froze with an expression of unrelenting pain. Mere moments later, a white-hot aura engulfed his body as sparks flew in every direction(if that were physically possible). Though he was going through unspeakable pain, he felt more powerful than he'd ever had so much as a taste of. His physical wounds were now almost completely faded, and parts of his hair, now taking on the appearance of obsidian, stood on end.

He tried to pull the Stick out, but it would only move slightly. Just then, an unseen hand gripped the staff and gently, effortlessly removed it from his chest cavity. The gaping gash closed itself near-instantly. Looking up, he was more than a little shocked to find out that said hand belonged to none other than Gaga herself. Nathan, now with more energy than he knew what to do with, immediately sprung to his feet.

Nathan: I-I don't understand. Why?

Zayver: This bitch's insane!

Lucca: Now I've seen it all…

Lady Gaga: Now… This is the show I came to see! Haven't you ever heard the trope, "Only I can defeat you"? This weapon may be an extension of my power, but… it simply isn't me!

The Disco Stick turned pure black, and began to scorch her palm, causing her to drop it.

Lady Gaga: I'm not going to let an ancient weapon do my dirty work for me. It'd be like ending one of my shows early. I've got to delight and excite my Monsters, you know? I'm many things, but cheap is not one of them. Now! Show me what you've got. Show me… your teeth. Give me what I came here for.

Nathan: Well, now. Who would I be to turn down such a request from you? It'd be a shame if I didn't get to test out this new and improved bod! Maybe you're the one who made a mistake showing me mercy! Haha!

He struck a pose similar to that of the Ginyu Force. How flamboyant!

Gaga appeared unimpressed. With nothing left to say, in the blink of an eye both warriors made a beeline for one another and became locked in deadly combat once more. This time, it was truly a fair and even fight. Both combatants were able to land clear-cut strikes on each other, but neither one showed signs of having a visible advantage. Each time one of them tried to dash away, the other was able to easily keep pace and rush them. The duo appeared to be nothing more than flashes of light colliding with each other repeatedly.

They charged each other with elbows and struggled against one another, but it was like two equal forces bearing down in the center. (Fuckin' magnets, man…)

Nathan: It's useless; we're totally equals! A perfect match! You might know everything I'm going to do, but that's not going to help you, since I know everything YOU'RE going to do! STRANGE, isn't it?!

They each let out a defiant scream and flew upwards at blinding speed.

Lady Gaga: Suppose your right, love! I'll just have to even the odds!

She positioned her open palms around her mouth in a triangular fashion, covering her eyes.

Lady Gaga: You know that I'll always be your PAPARAZZI!

As she yelled the appropriately-named attack, a blinding flash of light emitted from the singer. For a split second, Nathan saw an image of Frieza in nothing but a speedo.

Nathan: Aaaugh! Illuminati confirmed!

Gaga took a shot at her blinded lover, kneeing him straight in the back. He managed to recover mid-air and get a few ki shots in on her. She dashed towards him once again, but he reacted quickly, forming his hands into a triangular position.

Nathan: I can make those shapes too! Check it! TRI-BEEEEAAAAAM….HAAAAA!

The powerful technique fired in bursts, sending Gaga into the ground and somehow creating a square-shaped hole. Don't ask me how this works. Seriously, this happens in the actual show.

It didn't take long for the pop princess to recover, returning his endeavor with a volley of ki.

Lady Gaga: Yes, Nathan! Oh, yes, don't stop!

Nathan: Are you trying to make sex noises…? Lol, sex noises.

Lady Gaga: This is the fight I expected from you! Show me more!

She moved faster than light itself and was in front of Nathan shortly. She gripped his wrist menacingly.

Lady Gaga: I want your…Bad Romance!

She began laying into him, then stopped and bent his arm nearly to the breaking point. He managed to resist, but she punched him directly in the spine and held him above her head, then slammed him into the ground. He managed to stop himself with both of his hands and recover. He gathered a bit of energy, and sped towards her, fist outstretched once again. This time, when it connected with her chest, she doubled over in pain and her metal dress showed visible cracks and dents. The Lady cringed, but managed to smile through it. They resumed fighting, but both sides were showing signs of fatigue, failing to dodge each other more frequently.

Nathan: (thinking) I think I know how to end this. I gotta do what Goku did… but I need time…an opening somewhere…

Thinking fast, he kneed her in the chest and blinded her with ki(instead of science) once again. He then landed behind one of the rocky outcrops. Wasting no time, he held both hands skyward. If it wasn't obvious enough, his only chance was to prepare a Spirit Bomb.

Nathan: Now, what were the words again…? Everyone, I need you to lend me your- No, wait, Cell said it better. Okay, planet, gimme dat stupid energy!

A glowing ball with a blue corona of sorts began to form where he held his hands. Meanwhile, Gaga was still trying to locate him in a fit of glamorous rage.

Lady Gaga: Rrrrghh! Where did he get to? I swear when I find him I'm going to turn him into a meat dress!

She began to loose massive ki waves in random directions, some of which barely missed their mark.

Nathan: Almost… come on… it's done! Yay for convenient timing!

The Spirit Bomb was now sufficiently sizeable, and absorbed itself into Nathan's hand, making it glow, and just in time too, because the object of his affection was regaining her eyesight!

Nathan: Listen, I don't wanna hurt you anymore! I feel like a…monster for doing any damage at all. This will just neutralize your energy for a bit. If you're really pure of heart…like I know you are, it won't be fatal!

Lady Gaga: So…confident, are we…?

Without another word, he released the attack.

Lady Gaga: No! A slowly-moving energy attack! It's coming at me from all the way over there for dramatic effect and there's no possible way I can dodge it or mo-

Before she could finish mocking a really weird element of this show, the bomb exploded on her, and she dropped straight to the ground with one last scream of defiance.(see how long it took to read that?) Nathan began walking up to her, but she slowly forced herself back to her feet, armor now completely cracked on the left side, with purple teardrops running down her cheeks, and slowly advanced toward him. His whole body locked up in sheer disbelief that she could still have any fight left in her.

Lucca: She just doesn't know when to give up! Seriously! Can anything defeat her?!

As Nathan was almost completely devoid of energy, it only took a single punch from the weakened performer to bring him to his back. She looked down at him and pointed an open palm in his direction. Purple sparks of ki began to form in her hand. Nathan braced himself.

But nothing happened. Nothing came out. The sparks simply fizzled away. Gaga dropped to her knees and could do nothing but laugh softly to herself.

Lady Gaga: …Hahaha… I…simply can't fathom it… I didn't have enough energy for the attack… Mmhmhm…

She collapsed on her back with a thud, parallel to her worn-out suitor. Barely able to move, she silently admitted defeat by gently placed her hand in his.

Lady Gaga: That's it. I concede… You…are fierce. Ain't no reason you and me should…be alone…tonight. Y-you win, sweetheart… I…love you, I suppose… Ugh.

With that, the duo fell unconscious, neither one with an ounce of strength in them. Zayver, Lucca, and Michael all rushed towards the collapsed couple, each feeling a huge proverbial weight off of their chest.

Lucca. Uuughhh. It's. Finally. Done. I was just gonna leave if this drew out any longer.

Zayver: I know, right?!

Michael: Aww, look at those two. So endearing and stuff.

_As midnight fell, the group headed home, carrying the two nearly-dead fighters in tow. For now, peace was once again something they could enjoy. The conflict took an unimaginable toll on all of them, but for those two, it was more than a little worth it. Selfish fucks._

LookinGoodYamcha: Whoo! It's finally finished for realz! I hope you guys had as much fun reading this as I did making it! Faked ya out a few times, didn't I? I think the payoff was worth it, though? Don't you? Well…? I'm just glad everything worked out in the end. Our heroes can finally rest easy as yet another memorable saga comes to a close. Oh, yeah, I'm also making an epilogue, so it's technically not over! I ain't trollin' this time, though. I wrote both of these parts at the same time! Keep reading to find out how things concluded!


	6. Epilogue

6 – Epilogue

LookinGoodYamcha: It had been a full 24 hours since the climactic strife between Mother Monster and her determined suitor. Everyone had returned to Kame House to celebrate victory. The now-official couple had both been given senzu beans as promised, but had still sustained too much injury to wake up for another three-or-so hours, though they did join in later, as did some of the Z-fighters themselves. But now, the night had fallen once again, and the festivity had all but died down. In the living room, Lucca, Zayver, Michael, Krillin, Yamcha, Tien, and even an initially-reluctant Vegeta were all passed out on either the floor or the couch. The TV was still on, with "Dragon Ball Z for Kinect" still running in the Xbox 360. Bottles of various expensive liquor, empty chip bags, and joints smoked down to a roach littered the floor around the sleeping fighters. Meanwhile, in one of the bedrooms, Nathan and Gaga laid aside one another, still mostly awake, and looked out the window into the ebony silence of the night. Her armor, now repaired, stood on a mannequin beside the bed. She was now sporting a more simple blouse.

Lady Gaga: …Are you cold?

Nathan: Eh, a little.

She put one arm around her lover, bringing him closer to the warmth of her body. They both smiled a bit.

Lady Gaga: So… Was this really worth it? Was…I worth it?

Nathan: But of course, Stefani. …I-is it okay if I call you that?

Lady Gaga: Sure, you've earned it. I actually prefer my boyfriend not to call me Gaga. Heh.

Nathan: It's a pretty name. But yes, I absolutely can't stand for a good performance to end early. Besides, the writers wouldn't allow it!

Lady Gaga: WriterS? I thought it was just one guy doing this out of boredom?

Nathan: Yeah, but let's keep that between us, hm?

Lady Gaga: No promises. But…yeah, that was some brawl back there, wasn't it?

Nathan: I thought for sure you woulda Krillin'd me. No better way to go out, I imagine.

Lady Gaga: But you're going out with me now, don't you imagine that's a bit better?

Nathan: Haha, I imagine it is.

Lady Gaga: "Imagine". What a classic song. I did a cover of it once.

Nathan: Did you get a lot of hate for it? I mean, how dare a current mainstream artist cover Lennon?

Lady Gaga: Hahaha. I know, right? One has to know one's boundaries.

Nathan: Why do you name all of your attacks after your songs?

Lady Gaga: I thought it was creative. The writer seemed to. Are you really questioning this when attacks like "Double Sunday" and "Milky Cannon" exist?

Nathan: Point taken. So, did your crystal shades really work like a scouter?

Lady Gaga: Nah. I can sense power levels like everyone else. I just wanted something to crush while I said that famous line.

Nathan: Lol, memes.

Lady Gaga: You admittedly impressed me out there. Where did that power come from?

Nathan: Easy, perseverance. If I want something bad enough, I'll damn near kill myself to get it.

Lady Gaga: Oh? Would that be me in this case? Haha.

Nathan: None other. What about your power? Where does it come from?

Lady Gaga: I was born that way.

Nathan: How did I know you would say that?

Lady Gaga: It fits.

Nathan: Fair enough. So do you think yesterday will be remembered forever?

Lady Gaga: By all of us, yes. There was a news helicopter, but I'm pretty sure I saw some big, bald fellow with a mustache blast it.

Nathan: How could I have missed that?

Lady Gaga: I guess I'm far more interesting, to you at least.

Nathan: Well, you do stand out.

Lady Gaga: It would be entirely unlike me not to.

Nathan: Haha, yes. But do you think anyone got to record yesterday's events?

Lady Gaga: Perhaps so. If the guys at allow it, everyone will get to hear that tale.

Nathan: That's clean…

Lady Gaga: Never heard that expression before.

Nathan: I got it from this guy called SirRonLionHeart. He makes gaming commentary videos and sounds like a Mexican luchador. He talks to himself a lot and is certifiably insane.

Lady Gaga: Sounds like he'd fit right in with our group.

Nathan: I could see that. …You know, I have to ask, am I really "good enough" for someone of your caliber? You have all these top-selling albums and awards and stuff. What have I done of notability?

Lady Gaga: Well, you defeated me. That's something. And you impressed me. Very few have done such a thing.

Nathan gave a slightly confused look.

Lady Gaga: Hahaha. Don't look at me like that. You were made for me.

Nathan: Perhaps, but I have yet to meet a man who can predict success.

Lady Gaga: Ooh. So whatcha wanna do tomorrow?

Nathan: West City dance competition?

Lady Gaga: Sure, but the Ginyus will probably beat us.

Nathan: Haha, they might be pretty fierce. We… should probably get some sleep either way.

Lady Gaga: Mhm. …Are you still cold?

Nathan: Kinda, yeah.

_She embraced him passionately with both arms, and he did the same in return. They shared a lengthy kiss, and proceeded to close their eyes and drift into sleep, having finally realized a mutual victory. Of course, they probably did all sorts of kinky things after the screen faded to black. You kinda knew that would happen at some point, though. They mighta fucked, not really sure, don't quite recall. Until next time, farewell, and many thanks and big cookies for reading! Super Saiyan Swagger!_


End file.
